This is a hilarious book about things that never happened. It is about those weird inventions that were almost created by America’s first intelligence agency (Office of Strategic Services (1942-1945)), its successor the CIA, as well as the bizarre operations ideas by the military, all during the fight against the Axis forces in World War 2 and the proceeding Cold War.
Yes, intelligence weapons. We’re talking about James Bond’s Q type of gadgets and military grade weaponries that have the invention of U-2 and SR-71 spy planes among the rare success stories (relative to the sheer amount of ideas), with “rare” as the key word here.
““Outcome history” is the traditional way of viewing historical events,” the author Vince Houghton remarks, “but it leaves much to be desired. It has severe limitations, primarily because its lessons are predicated on things that cannot be accurately quantified: fate, luck, misfortune, whatever you want to call it.”
Houghton then elaborates, “if the D-Day invasion of Normandy had failed because of a freak weather system, or a lucky shot from a German soldier that took out a key American leader on the beach (or any number of other misfortunate scenarios), would we think any less of Eisenhower’s plan? Using outcome-based history: yes. And therein lies the problem. Intent can be a very powerful tool for historians.”
Hence, the fresh approach of this book that uses not the outcome of history, not the alternate version of history, but the intent of what could have happened but never did. And the list of intent is long (like long, long). And reading it is like having a wild journey into the wacky and bizarre that will make us think “what the hell were they thinking?”
We’re talking about projects, missions, operations, and technology that they were seriously thinking about, but they’re either too risky, too expensive, too dangerous, way ahead of their time, or simply too dumb.
Inventions and operations such as: acoustic kitty, synthetic goat poop, cat suicide bomber, bat missiles, sun gun, giant inflatable balloon that looks like an omen in Shintoism, a chicken utilized as a thermoregulated weapon, an idea to create artificial tsunami, an operation involving digging a tunnel near the Soviet embassy, or covert air bases using not giant ships but floating icebergs.
It is also about the staggering 638 times the CIA tried (and failed) to assassinate Fidel Castro, plan to spike Hitler’s food with female hormones to make “his mustache fall out and his voice turn soprano”, a device they called Dyna-Soar (yeah I know, dinosaur), another one called the Ballistic Missile Boost Intercepts Project (or BaMBI), and many, many more, including the most bizarre idea of them all that becomes the title of the book, the plan to nuke the moon (with a contribution by Carl Sagan. Yes, THAT Carl Sagan).
And you know what the messed up part is? They’re all true stories!
Perhaps the most unsuspecting part of the book is where Houghton actually explains the science and technicality of the devices and operations, while also providing the full historical context for the intent of usage of the devices. Which makes this book not only highly amusing, but also very informative.
He is, after all, the historian and curator of the International Spy Museum in Washington, DC, who earned a PhD in Diplomatic and Military History from the University of Maryland. And it shows in the quality of the book, a mix of expertise and madness that made me learn a lot and laugh a lot along the way. I thoroughly enjoyed reading the book.
THE CHAOS THEORY 